I remember driving home from school one night, during the first quarter of school after I started studying architecture full time.
*let me make a note here that for anyone with any kind of dedication, architecture is kinda hard core on the demanding scale. The thing is, you are never done. You could always do more. 5 years is not enough time, and too much. Architecture students are pretty up there in the non sleeping student category.
I remember clearly the anxious, knotty feeling in my stomach that I was feeling because I had so much to do. All the tension in my neck and shoulders, causing a deep ache. The jittery buzz in my hands. I remember driving home thinking, "is this it? is this how I am going to feel from now on? for the next five years?"
I can remember it so clearly not only because it was a new experience for me [I don't think I had been a very stressed person before this] but because I am feeling it right now.
I am not in school, studio classes are behind me, my thesis is behind me. Literally, it is a Thursday afternoon. [I started writing this last week....] I left work early today, paused to write this from "doing things around the house" [I LOVE doing things around the house], and I am looking forward to a fun evening with my husband and friends. I have a 3 day weekend, with no tasks that *need* to be completed, no obligations or commitments. The bills are all paid, and the bank account is not empty. I am not thinking about work. Ben and I are healthy. We are happy. My animals are healthy. I rested well last night. I have no friends tottering on the edge of life, and my immediate family are well and free of crisis. And, yet.
When we left for Joshua Tree a few weekends ago, we were trying to get out of town early enough to beat traffic then make it up there and get ready for the rehearsal dinner at our rental a leisurely pace. Admittedly, it was a really busy week, and I had to hurry my ass off to be ready by 1pm, the time my best friend was meeting us at our place to hit the road. But I don't think that justified how stressed and irritated I was when she caused us to leave late. What the fuck was my problem. I could not calm down.
Ben feels it too. He will ask- what on earth is wrong with me. My only answer is, "I'm stressed", see above re: knots in stomach. But my old answers "I'm stressed about [money, school, family, take your pick]" aren't there. So, I don't have an answer.
Thing is, until recentely all of those issues have bombarded me. When discussing this with some friends, they brought up the phenomenon of peptide addiction or reaction. I *think* what this boils down to is; my body is so used to feeling stressed, that it just continues to operate that way.
So, I'm working slowly to combat this. I'm hoping awareness is the first step. Slowing down and being conscious of the tension in my body, asking why it is there, and reminding myself that it is not necessary, take many deep breaths or something.
Here are some more ideas I have;
-making sure I have enough down time [a difficult balance- I like being busy]
-getting exercise
-spending more in nature [perhaps while getting exercise, always gotta multi task]
-maybe accupunture? [I have never had!]
-eating well [ok, so this is just my answer for everything]
So, I know you are all crazy-busy-active-multi-tasking types. How do you deal with ongoing long term stress?